I loved listening to my dad tell stories—sometimes the same ones over and over. But there are details about him I don’t know because I never asked.
I thought I would share with you some questions I wish I had discussed with him. It’s too late for me and my dad (at least until I see him again one day), but if you can still ask your dad, don’t let time slip by. Do it today. Use my list to inspire your own. And while you’re at it, ask your mom too.
After I show you the questions, I might try to answer them for my daughters.
Here we go:
1. What did you want to be when you grew up?
I have to admit I wasn’t curious about this until recently. What was his childhood dream? For most little boys it’s being a baseball player, right? Or an NFL Quarterback, playing in the Super Bowl …
One minute to play; down by five points. A field goal won’t do it. You have to drive your team 80 yards to a touchdown. The first play goes nowhere. But you get lucky with a penalty against the defense … then a couple of quick passes … a heroic run … and … you’re there …
1st and Goal, on the 9-yard line. But wait …
Only 4 seconds on the clock. One play—one chance to win it all.
You drop back, you see the open receiver, and everything stops.
You’re throwing the ball, but you’re no longer on the field. You’re hovering overhead, watching. No sound can be heard as the ball slowly spirals through the air.
It hits the receiver’s hands. He falls down. Where’s the ball …The referee is wildly stabbing both arms into the sky! The roar of the crowd is deafening.
Everyone’s in a panic rushing toward you.
YES!!! You did it! TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!
Ok, I don’t think my dad had that dream. But I still wonder: What did he want to be when he grew up?
2. How did you feel when your father died?
I don’t know a lot of details, but my dad was twelve years old when his father unexpectedly passed away. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a parent when you’re that young. My daughters were nine and twelve when their mother passed away. It can be a severe, confusing, dark storm. God will bring you through, but there are wounds and there are scars.
I remember my mom saying that losing a parent in no way compares to the heartbreak and emptiness of losing a spouse. She was right. But that doesn’t make the death of a parent any easier. My sorrow was heavy and harsh even though my dad lived a full life and was looking forward to heaven. You’re never ready to lose your parents. It’s tragic when they die at a young age, but it doesn’t matter when it happens. You aren’t ready whether you’re twelve years old or forty-eight years old. And it makes no difference if they are forty-seven or eighty-three.
3. How often do you miss your parents?
I can recall only one time seeing my dad cry. We were standing in the chapel, near the back, as family and friends gathered around his mother’s casket. Even now I feel a sudden stab of pain. The next day I was given the option to stay with my other grandmother instead of going to the funeral. I quickly accepted.
Looking back, I believe my dad was crying because he missed both of his parents that day. Now—sitting here missing him—I wonder what he was feeling.
4. What is something you always wish you had done?
My dad served four years in the Air Force, stationed most of that time in Germany. While there, he traveled throughout Europe. My parents spent their retirement years traveling the entire lower forty-eight states. He saw a lot; he lived a lot. What did he always wish he had done?
Actually, have you ever asked yourself that question? It’s popular now to have a bucket list of what you want to do before you “kick the bucket.” Why make a list? Is there something you’ve always wanted to do? Listen to Nike: Just do it.
5. How old were you when you were saved?
At my dad’s funeral his sister said, “If there’s anyone at all in heaven, Lee is there.” Not because of what he said, or what he did, or who he was, or anything other than one simple fact: he trusted in Jesus as his Savior and rested all his hope on the righteousness of God’s only Son, sent to give new life. You could see it in his face, hear it in his voice, know it in his actions, believe it in his life.
No, I don’t know how old he was when he was saved. But it doesn’t matter. He was eighty-three years old when he saw Jesus face-to-face.
6. When did you realize you were in love with Mom?
In his early twenties, during the Korean War, my dad was living in Germany. You didn’t just jump on a jet and fly home for a few days. Travel to the United States was by slow-sailing ship. So, there weren’t many visits home. My parents weren’t engaged, or even dating. They were “talking.” And talking meant mailing letters. Guess how the letters traveled? On one of those slow-sailing ships.
Were they in love? When he got back they started a 57-year life together. But at the time I suppose there could have been doubts. Did he fall in love with her before he left or after he came back? Does it matter? Well, sometimes you might find yourself doubting how you feel about your spouse. When you do, knowing when and how your parents (and stepparents) fell in love can restore faith in your own love.
7. What is the most important thing your mom taught you?
My grandmother was a single parent most of my dad’s life. She had twelve children—he was the eleventh. In a family like that everyone has to pitch in. But here’s the deal: my dad could do almost anything. I know what you’re thinking: another son who thinks his father is a larger-than-life hero. But my dad could do it all. He was a mechanic, electrician, plumber, carpenter, fisherman, hunter, farmer. He could sing melody or harmony—tenor, bass, and alto. He was a masterful chef. His knowledge of the Bible was remarkable. But I wonder: was there one thing—one jewel—his mom taught him that inspired and shaped his life?
8. Is there anything you regret about your life?
Sometimes your biggest accomplishment, or your day-to-day work providing for your family, can become your biggest regret. My grandfather worked away from home, first as a fireman on a train, then as a lumber grader at a sawmill. My dad spent the last few years of his career as an airport inspector, keeping him away from home except on weekends. I traveled more than twenty-five years for my job. You miss a lot of your children’s lives when you travel for work. But you can miss it even when you’re right there with them every day.
Life is full of regrets. My dad focused on his blessings, pressing on, pursuing the heavenward call of God. He didn’t look back. He lived with thankfulness where he was. The battle had been worthwhile.
As I mull over these questions, I realize I know more about my dad than I thought. Sometimes you don’t have to ask the people you love about themselves. You already know because you’ve had your eye on them all along.
Oh, I was going to answer those questions for my girls, wasn’t I?
Alysa, Kristen, Lauren—here you go: A musician. Lost. Every day. Meet more kinfolk. Twelve. When I gazed into her eyes. Love of Scripture. Yes.
What questions would you add to this list? Share them—along with the answers—in the comments below. I would love to hear from you.
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